Bonne Chance @ DAHplaytime

Monkey Me, not my monkey

Monkey:  Me, me, me, me, meeeeeeee!

DAH:  La, la, la, la, laaaaaaa!

Monkey:  What are you doing.

DAH:  Singing! You were singing.

Monkey:  I was not singing.

DAH:  What do you call, "Mi, mi, mi, mi, mi!"

Monkey:  I call that a homophone.

DAH:  What?

Monkey:  "Homophone." Words that are spelled differently but sound the same. I was saying "me" not "mi."

DAH:  Well, all I can say is written conversation is weird, because you're supposed to hear it in your head but you're looking at it, and you can't shut off seeing the words from hearing the words, and my response to your me-ing is therefore totally inexplicable.

Monkey:  Uh-huh.

DAH:  Why are you saying "me, me, me?"

Monkey:  I am, therefore I am.

DAH:  And that is -- what, exactly?

Monkey:  All that matters. And reason enough.

DAH:  I'm still not tracking.

Monkey:  I exist. That's the only thing I know for sure. So my existence is all that really matters, to me. And it is, ipso facto, reason enough for me to exist. I don't really need to know anything else.

DAH:  You exist, and that's the reason you exist?

Monkey:  That's all I need to know.

DAH:  You operate your so-called life on this basis?

Monkey:  I do.

DAH:  What if a monkey existed in my mind, and claimed self-awareness and existence?

Monkey:  Ooooh. That's one of those "If a tree falls in the woods and nobody's there to hear it does it make a sound" kind of questions. I can't answer that. And I don't need to answer that. Because I am.

DAH:  I think we're going to have to talk about this some more, maybe a series of conversations.

Monkey:  Sort of a philosophical serialization?

DAH:  Like Socrates read by Captain Crunch?

Monkey:  There you go, getting all homophonic again.

DAH is David Anthony Hance at DAHplaytime.com and that's not my monkey.

Monkey Waiting

Monkey: Tick-tock. Tick-tock.

DAH: Are you bored?

Monkey: Monkey don't like waiting.

DAH: Most of us don't like waiting.

Monkey: But why do I have to wait? Why? WHY?

DAH: You don't have to. You can do something else.

Monkey: I can do something? I have control? Why did I not see this memo earlier?

DAH: There was no memo. This isn't news.

Monkey: Not NEWS? But I can do something! I don't have to wait! I have POWER! What can I do? What can I do?

DAH: Something else.

Monkey: Something else? That's sort of inadequate, instruction-wise, DAH.

DAH: You don't have to wait. You can do something else. Anything else, other than what you're waiting for.

Monkey: Stop right there. Let's see if I understand you correctly. May I ask a few clarifying questions?

DAH: Shoot.

Monkey: We're waiting because we want something to happen, yes?

DAH: That's right.

Monkey: And this thing we want to happen, the outcome we desire, is outside our control.

DAH: Outside our total control, correct.

Monkey: So we're waiting until other forces change the situation, hopefully in the direction of our desired outcome.

DAH: Yeah. Like if it's 2:00 AM and dark outside, and you really really really want the morning light to come because you want to go banana hunting, but that's illegal in the dark. The coming of dawn is outside your control, so you have to wait.

Monkey: Banana hunting? Whatever.

DAH: Just a little humor.

Monkey: Very little. You should stick with being the straight man in this team.

DAH: O.K.

Monkey: But you said I could do something.

DAH: You can. You can decide not to like banana hunting. You can turn on the lights and hunt for dust bunnies. You can do something else.

Monkey: I'm not so much into rabbit, thanks. So you're saying I have the kind of control that allows me to do something, to stop waiting, but I probably have to give up what I wanted, the thing that's making me wait?

DAH: Spot on, my dear Monkey.

Monkey: I'm not your deer monkey, I'm just a regular ol' monkey. And I'm disappointed in this control you're offering me. I still want what I'm waiting for, and I don't want to change what I'm wanting.

DAH: That's a lot of wanting in one sentence. And I'm afraid you're back to tick-tock, tick-tock.

Monkey: (long sigh)

DAH: Yup.

Monkey: O.K. I'll wait. But I won't like it.

DAH: Me neither.

DAH is David Anthony Hance at DAHplaytime.com

Monkey Memory Matters

Monkey:  You know, I can hear you muttering from way over here.

DAH:  Sorry.

Monkey:  For what? Disturbing my slumbers?

DAH:  Were you sleeping?

Monkey:  No.

DAH:  You think you're pretty funny, don't you?

Monkey:  I am pretty funny. Don't forget, I'm the funniest part of you.

DAH:  I won't forget. I promise.

Monkey:  So, what are you muttering about? Sounded like "detox hero dismember the elk."

DAH:  Well, that's certainly funnier than what I was muttering. I was repeating "inbox zero, remember the milk."

Monkey:  Which also sounds pretty weird. Monkey says, "Stay inside today, or you may be arrested."

DAH:  I'm trying to establish new habits. I've tried both these things before, and I couldn't make them work or stick.

Monkey:  You got some 'splainin' to do, DAH-boy.

DAH:  "Inbox Zero" is this idea promulgated by Merlin Mann. Pretty much, he's suggesting that you should end every day with an empty email inbox. Sort of the digital parallel to handling each piece of incoming paper only once - take action or discard or file.

Monkey:  You're just trying to impress me by using the word "promulgated" aren't you? Thought you'd get me running for my dictionary.

DAH:  You don't have a dictionary. Besides, it's quicker to just do a web search for "define: promulgate."

Monkey:  Monkeys don't web. And I don't think you're using that word correctly. Are you sure you don't mean propagate?

DAH:  I'm sure.

Monkey:  OK. So, what's this "dismember the elk" thing?

DAH:  "Remember The Milk." It's an online to-do list program I started checking out last year, but I never quite clicked with it.

Monkey:  Why bother?

DAH:  I have a mix of things I have to remember to do, some on a regular schedule. But it's a mix of personal and work stuff, and I could never figure out how to do it all in one place. Remember The Milk let's me keep separate task lists for personal and work stuff, but consolidates them in a single task list schedule for me to work off of.

Monkey:  You're emptying your email inbox and organizing your tasks, is that it?

DAH:  That's it.

Monkey:  Why?

DAH:  Because I used to finish each week dissatisfied with what I'd accomplished, and over-anxious about being behind. If I empty my inbox and organize my tasks, I think I'll be happier and healthier.

Monkey:  So we can take more trips to the seaside, always with a light and merry heart?

DAH:  That's right, little buddy.

Monkey:  I'm not your little buddy. I'm a monkey!

DAH:  Sorry.

DAH is David Anthony Hance at DAHplaytime.com. Chaussette de Singe has a photo included in this post, just for the heck of it.

Bonne Chance: Make Your Own Luck Tip'O'The'Week!

"BE A MOMENTUM PLAYER. Wherever there are people, there are opportunities. Whether you choose to engage those people or not is up to you. To keep the opportunities coming, you can't be shy. If you can't be outgoing in person, work the phones. If you can't work the phones, write. Whatever it takes, you have to stay in touch with as many people as possible if you want to parlay one opportunity into the next. Keep a month-at-a-glance planner just for names of luck-makers with whom you should touch base. Then push for lunch and talk about what the other person is up to."

(from "How to Make Luck" by Marc Myers, Renaissance Books 1999)

Monkey has nothing to do with this tip. Monkey just wanted a new picture taken.

DAH is David Anthony Hance at dahplaytime.com

AMP's September Monkey

Saturday In The Park (well, Plaza)

DAH's Serendipitous September Saturday Survey of the Scene in SLO Mission Plaza. CLICK HERE FOR PHOTO GALLERY.

S. Monkey & Chaussette de Singe Get Beaching

Monkeys went to the beach on Labor Day 2010. Outdoorsy. See five more images here: http://picasaweb.google.com/101645986274035771415/MonkeysAtTheBeach?feat=directlink

Monkey Al Fresco

Monkey: Al Fresco! Al Fresco! Al Fresco!

DAH: What on earth are you shouting about?

Monkey: Al Fresco! I'm thinking of changing my name.

DAH: Now you sound like me.

Monkey: Nah … my voice is way lower.

DAH: That's interesting, in my mind it sounds higher.

Monkey: Better reboot your imagination, recalibrate your monkey-monitor.

DAH: I'll be sure and set aside some special time for that project. So, what's this al fresco business?

Monkey: I'm feeling all outdoorsy.

DAH: I guess you are almost always indoors. What do you want? Like camping, or a picnic?

Monkey: Let's go see a play! Or a concert! Al Fresco!

DAH: It really feels like you're inside my head sometimes, you know? I've been thinking a lot about outdoor entertainments recently.

Monkey: That's a shocker.

DAH: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I have been thinking a lot about al fresco entertainments. I went to the Brickyard Theatre production of "Quilters" in Atascadero on Friday.

Monkey: That's the show CHance is in, right?

DAH: Right. It's a delightful show, and CHance is great in it. All the women in the cast are great.

Monkey: What about the men?

DAH: No men in "Quilters."

Monkey: What about the monkeys?

DAH: No monkeys in "Quilters."

Monkey: Yet you enjoyed it? Even sans simian?

DAH: Even sans simian, disappointing as that must be to you. Here's my point, though: "Quilters" at the Brickyard Theatre is outdoors, on a patio. We sit at little four-top tables, we get served dinner, and the stage is right there.

Monkey: You performed outdoors this summer, too, didn't you, DAH?

DAH: Yeah. More outdoors than "Quilters," which had come containment from the house walls … did I mention that the Brickyard Theatre is just a private home that has a play produced there once a year?

Monkey: Somehow I kinda knew that. Monkey mind meld or something.

DAH: There's distraction outdoors, competition for audience attention. Like being at the drive-in instead of in the movie theater.

Monkey: Everybody's making out in the back seat?

DAH: Not exactly. It's that the entertainers or entertainment have to be especially compelling and insistent to hold attention and make meaning.

Monkey: And you like that?

DAH: I really like that. It raises the stakes, and makes the actors really work it, really bring it, because it is so much easier for their work to be lost of diffused on its way to the audience.

Monkey: And there's magic outside.

DAH: Oh, yes. There's magic outside.

Monkey: Let's go to the beach.

DAH: Wow. That's a non-sequitor.

Monkey: The beach is outside.

DAH: That was my plan for last weekend. I was going to take you to the beach and write about negative ions.

Monkey: Screw that. You've already written this al fresco entertainment thing. Let's just go have fun.

DAH: Good idea.

Monkey: Al Fresco! Al Fresco! Al Fresco!

DAH is David Anthony Hance. Monkey is somewhere inside snapping synapses.

Do It Yourself Good Luck

Good luck charms may lack magical power, but they do seem to provide their owners with a competitive edge, says LiveScience.com. It's a matter of psychology, rather than wizardry: In a series of experiments, German researchers found that when people carried a lucky charm, they set higher goals and felt more confident than people who left their talismanic coin or favorite stuffed animal at home. In one test, subjects who'd been told a golf ball was "lucky" tended to perform better than those who were simply handed the ball. "Superstitious behavior won't help you win the lottery," says psychologist and study co-author Barbara Stoberock. "But it could help you win a sporting event or pass a test." (reported in THE WEEK July 30, 2010)

Shallow Thinking

DAH:   Aaaargh! It's driving me crazy!

Monkey:   Oh, is it me? Please let it be me!

DAH:   It's not you.

Monkey:   Dang.

DAH:   And when have I ever called you "it?"

Monkey:   I was just hopeful.

DAH:   Huh.

Monkey:   It would make me feel more powerful if I were able to drive you crazy.

DAH:   I try not to let anybody, or anything, drive me crazy. But I can't always maintain my calm.

Monkey:   OK, I know you're dying for me to ask. "So, DAH, what's driving you crazy today?"

DAH:   Shallow thinking.

Monkey:   Like when you're lying in just a few inches of water? Be careful! You could drown!

DAH:   Superficial thinking. Bad thinking.

Monkey:   Wow. An ethical slash moral judgment from DAH. That's a rare treat.

DAH:   True. I don't like to judge.

Monkey:   But shallow thinking is bad bad bad!

DAH:   You don't even know what I'm talking about.

Monkey:   But I'm excited nonetheless. Must be your outraged tone, your pacing, your shaking, and your sweating.

DAH:   I'm not doing any of those things.

Monkey:   I'm just taking a few e-ink liberties. But please, go on. Rant about shallow thinking!

DAH:   Sometimes, some people take limited evidence and build ridiculous constructs of illogic upon that shallow base of information.

Monkey:   Like what? Give me an example.

DAH:   Say I show you a photograph of a cute puppy, and say "Isn't that cute?" and you decide that the thing I want most in the world is a puppy, and I must be about to get one, and I'll love that puppy more than you, and so you start making plans to run away because you're scared of dogs and you feel unloved.

Monkey:   I'm not scared of dogs.

DAH:   Or you read an article about a football player you admire, and they mention that eating garbanzo beans is good for your memory ... so you eat nothing but garbanzo beans because you never want to misplace your keys again.

Monkey:   That doesn't make any sense. I hardly ever read, and I never eat garbanzo beans. Yet I have a mind like a steal trap, and dream of playing middle linebacker for the Chicago Bears.

DAH:   My point is that I'm driven crazy when leaps of faith are made to and from non-existent or minimal jump bases.

Monkey:   Why do you even care if people are drawing wacky conclusions from shallow thinking?

DAH:   Because they often want me to take action on their wacky, ill founded, poorly thought-through conclusions.

Monkey:   So tell them they're wrong or crazy or both.

DAH:   Sometimes it's just easier to do what they ask, even when I know they're wrong. It's just easier than trying to argue with them about their bad thinking.

Monkey:   You're telling me you do things you KNOW are not going to work, just because it's easier than telling someone why it won't work.

DAH:   Yes.

Monkey:   You're pathetic.

DAH:   And that's what makes me crazy.

DAH is David Anthony Hance at DAHplaytime